The Long and Winding Rogue

And once upon a time, I failed at blogging.

2010-03-17T17:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a hectic month.

We had Kaia's baptism a month ago.

The next weekend, we spent Saturday and Sunday looking for our first home. That following Monday morning, we put in an offer on one of these houses. It was accepted.

The weekend after that, we spent Saturday doing the home inspection. It did not go so well. $8k in repairs needed for a shifting front porch. A furnace that could go at any minute. Pipes that could back up and instantly cost us thousands of dollars. .. We spent Sunday signing papers to cancel the contract, and being depressed over blowing $700 on an inspection for a home that would never be ours.

Two weekends ago, we went back out house hunting. We pounced on a house in a great neighborhood. We were the first to see it, & the early bird got the worm. We are now under contract on a sweet little Main Line twin. It has a nice yard, and is on a friendly cul-de-sac full of young familes. It's in a highly walkable little town complete with sidewalks, bakeries, and a yoga studio. We settle on April 30.

Last weekend, we were finally going to relax and do nothing. After a whilwhind month, our wee little house had become quite a mess. I spent the entire day cleaning. As soon as I sat down to relax, the power went out, and stayed out. We spent Saturday night at Bob's Mom's house, complete with barking dogs, a baby that wouldn't sleep, and a tiny little twin bed for my 6'4" husband and I.

Life has gotten in the way of blogging.
So, if I can summarize the last few weeks: Kaia is 4 months old as of 2 weeks ago. 14 lbs 15 oz, 25 3/4 inches long (75-90th percentile). 4 month wakeful in full affect. Tummy sleeping is the new black. Harold needs a haircut. BAD. I bought a Dyson. It's awesome. I got down to my pre-pregnancy weight as of last week. I am now 1 pound above that weight. :/. I am in love with cloth diapers- sometimes I close my eyes and see Bububebes and Goodmamas. However, these are far and away my new favorite. We go up to Buffalo for Easter in two weeks. I go back to work in three.

And tomorrow I give my point of view on Mommy Bloggers. See ya then.

Baptism Photos!

2010-02-15T09:32:00.001-08:00

So, the red-eye reduction was turned off when I handed the camera to my Dad, and we could barely manage to ever look in the same direction, but we did manage to eek out a few decent photos from the event:

She was attentive and happy throughout the entire ceremony, and slept through her party. We all ate far too much delish broccoli salad, and had a wonderful time.

Baptism weekend

2010-02-12T13:03:00.001-08:00

Please excuse my lack of blogging over the course of the next few days. Kaia is being baptized on Sunday, which means the house shall be full of family and fun times. (Which of course means I have to spend all evening cleaning ::grr::). I will be sure to post pictures!

Have a lovely weekend!

McFatty Wednesday?

2010-02-10T08:24:00.001-08:00

I've failed to blog the last couple of weeks on my weight loss, and I'm two days behind this week. And no, it's not because I fell off the wagon. OK, so, I did fall off the wagon a little bit with some much needed fried chicken, fries, and slaw at Jones a couple of weekends ago, but that's water under the bridge. In the words of the annoying boring lady who replaced Caroline Rhea on Biggest Loser...

My current weight is..

Beep.. Beep.. Booop.. Beeep.. Beep..

156!!

Actually, 155.8 as of this morning. So, I've lost about 7 pounds since my last McFatty Monday post a couple of weeks ago. That also brings my total weight loss to 19 pounds over the last two months. Pretty good, eh?
So, here's what I'm doing. NOTHING. Seriously. I've stopped tracking my food. I was really worried about my milk supply when I first started trying to consciously take weight off. Around 5pm, I would enter my daily intake into Babyfit.com , and see that I still had about 1000 calories left until I hit the bottom end of my daily range. So, what did I do? I spent the rest of the day trying to eat those calories. After several weeks of this and only losing 1 pound per week, I had a slight epiphany. In the first few weeks following Kaia's birth, I ate virtually nothing. Adrenaline, you see, is a funny thing. It would be 7pm and Bob and I would realize we hadn't eaten anything all day. And guess what? At that point in time, I actually had a milk OVERsupply.
I've found some literature that states that the body uses nutrients, water, and calories in the creation of breastmilk FIRST, before filling the body's other metabolic needs. It's not like I'm not eating anything. I am simply listening to my body's hunger cues, and satisfying them with (mostly) healthy options. People have been breastfeeding successfully for thousands of years without the aid of a calorie counter. Sometimes I think we just make things too complicated for ourselves these days.
I am currently 3 pounds away from my highest non-pregnancy, non-postpartum weight. Several years ago I weighed 153 pounds, and decided it was time for a change. I lost 28 pounds in the span of three months- simply by eating sensibly and going to yoga two times a week. It feels good to know that I am quickly approaching territory in which I have successfully navigated my way through in the past. For the first time since I've started this post-partum weight loss journey, I feel highly optimistic about what is to come.

My baby is sleeping in cloth.

2010-02-07T17:45:00.001-08:00

Kaia looks quite surprised to be going to bed wearing a cloth diaper. Honestly, I am surprised as well.
Before having a baby, I was seriously grossed out by the concept of cloth diapers. I just could not wrap my mind around putting a poopy diaper in a pail and then throwing it in my clean washing machine. Apparently my e-friends who cloth diapered from the get-go are a lot more mature than me. I truly do not think I ever could have made the decision to move toward cloth until I experienced disposable diapers in all of their crappy glory.
Here's the deal. We have a blow-out EVERY.SINGLE.TIME Kaia poops. Today I got to experience the joy of wrestling with a sobbing naked baby on the Bloomingdale's changing table because she had an enormous blow-out at the mall. The worst part? The poop wasn't even that big. Disposable diapers just, well, blow. I think it has something to do with Kaia's body type- she has a wide belly, and any given size of diapers only fit her for about 2 weeks- otherwise they are too big or too small. Regardless, my hope of not having to deal with poop is completely dashed with disposables- I end up soaking, rinsing, and washing something covered in poop every single day. I've finally realized that it makes a lot more sense to wash something that was meant to be pooped in, instead of her sweet little baby clothes.
The decision has just as much to do with the lack of poop. 95% of the diapers I change daily are colorless, odorless pee diapers. There is absolutely no reason why pee needs to be thrown in a landfill. I'm not the greenest person on the planet, but even I realize that this practice is absolute silliness.
After spending a weekend chatting about the possibility of moving in this direction, we took the mini-plunge tonight. Bob purchased our first three Bum Genius 3.0 One-size from Whole Foods and Kaia is snoozing away in one tonight. Assuming the BG's work well for the overnight, we're going to put in an order for a decent stash tomorrow. Although I never saw myself writing this post, I am very excited for this venture!

3 Months Old.

2010-02-06T10:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Kaia's three month birthday. I can't believe that she has been living and breathing with us for a quarter of a year already. In just three weeks, it will have been a full year since she has been in our life and consciousness-starting out as a wee little embryo.
Kaia celebrated her 3 months on this earth by rolling back-to-belly for the first time. I am not sure if this is going to be a day-to-day thing quite yet, as yesterday's roll took quite a bit of effort and determination. That said, her obsession with rolling seems to be over now that she has accomplished the task.
Here are some facts from the last month:

-Kaia weighed 12lbs 13 oz at her 2.5 month well-baby visit, and measured 24 inches (90th percentile). We estimate her to be around 13 lbs 13 oz as of her 3 month birthday.
-She moved from swaddle to sleep sack at about 11 weeks old.
- Kaia is really beginning to pay attention to toys. She can bring her Lamaze clutch cube to her mouth when she has it at the perfect angle. She also likes to grab her winkel and shake it around. Her playmat is her favorite- she loves to grab her toys and try to pull them into her mouth.
-She still prefers to nap in her carseat.
-Kaia is just getting the hang of her bumbo seat this week, and really enjoys the vantage point it provides.
-She wears size 3-6 month clothes, and is rapidly outgrowing several of her onesies and cotton sleep n plays already in this size. She also is busting out of her size two Pampers, leading us to seriously consider moving toward the cloth diaper route.
-Kaia is 100% off the nipple shield and has turned into a fantastic little nurser.
-She generally only fusses when tired or sitting somewhere where she would not like to be. She is a very happy baby!

Impending Storm.

2010-02-05T15:53:00.001-08:00

I laughed my way through my first winter in Philadelphia. After growing up in Buffalo New York, and going to college in nearby Rochester, there was not much about snow that intimidated me. During my college years, I once used a screwdriver to pry ice off a friend's windsheild (her scraper was locked inside the car) because, lord help us, the liquor store was closing in 20 minutes. So, you can imagine my amusement when I experienced my first Mid-Atlantic freak-out over a snow-filled forecast. It absolutely boggled my mind that snow was a news story that occaisionally required breaking into an Oprah broadcast. Even more hilarious was the fact that a loaf wheat bread became leavaned gold when Glenn "Hurricane" Schwartz called for anything greater than two inches. The locals flock to a grocery store like pigs to a trough, even if the snowfall will be over and done with in twelve hours.
These days, however, I've come to appreciate all the hoopla that surrounds an impending storm. I enjoy the fact that Winter is more of an event versus an endless season. I now head to the grocery store with everyone else, and look out the window awaiting the first flakes. We didn't have that in Buffalo. Many years, it was snowing as we donned our Halloween costumes and finally thawed a week before Easter.
Lucky for me, Bob took a vacation day today. He had early morning teleconferences the past few days and wanted a chance to sleep in today. Somehow, little lady got the memo and slept a solid 10 (TEN!!) hours last night. It was perfect timing, as we had enough energy to get out of the house for a while before we are inevitably snowed in all weekend. We took a little trip to the new (insanely awesome and seriously huge) Whole Foods. We grabbed some new Born Free pacis for Kaia and breakfast for us. I had a faaaaaabbulous whole grain chocolate chip muffin and a coffee. We chatted for a while and got to enjoy each other's company. Afterward, we ran to DSW to see if we could find boots for me- as I want to assist in the shoveling activities. I happened upon some totally functional (and apparently in style, says my in-the-know husband) duck mocs. Since my feet are the size of a garden gnome's, the remaining size 6-only stock was marked down to a mere $36. I can't remember the last time I paid less than $40 for a pair of shoes.
In my pre-baby life, a day like today would have been ordinary, even boring. But having the immense responsibilities of being a parent makes the smallest things enjoyable. A muffin, functional shoes, a full night's sleep, a conversation with your husband. Even a snowstorm that promises to keep you inside all weekend. This is what they were talking about when they said having a baby changes everything.

Exhaustion and a half-rolling baby

2010-02-04T08:43:00.000-08:00

My "sleeping throught the night" baby is a distant memory these days. She is trying to roll back to front, and spends day and night working on it. The child is downright obsessed. The problem, however, is she gets stuck on her arm, and wakes up wailing in anger. As a result, I've been getting very little sleep these past few days. I am so desperately tired. In the beginning, when they wake up every two hours, you are running on adrenaline. At this point, however, I am running on empty. Add to that the fact that our stupid DVR is down AGAIN (grrr.. Comcast), and the fact that the Half-Caff Green Mountain Keurig coffee I had this morning was absolutely terrible.. and let's just say, I could use a trip to the spa.

Even Harold wants her to roll, already...

A breastfeeding tale Part DUEX (The Hospital)

2010-02-03T09:37:00.001-08:00

(You can find the intro here.)

The morning after Kaia's birth, I woke up feeling quite well. Since Kaia was in the NICU, I asked the nurse for an Ambien so I wouldn't be up all night sick with worry and sadness. That stuff is like magic. Bob had an e-mail in his inbox from the NICU stating that Kaia had been given TWO feedings overnight. I knew this was a very good sign, as she had likely been taken off of an IV for hydration and had regulated her breathing well enough to be taking in food orally. The e-mail stated she was scheduled to eat again at 9am.

We called up to the NICU nurse and let her know that I was up and ready to attempt breastfeeding for the first time. Bob wheeled me upstairs-catheter now out, but legs still a little weak. When we arrived at Kaia's side, we were so happy to see her bathed, swaddled, and unhooked from all monitors and machines. Her breathing regulated overnight and we were given the news that she would be discharged back down to us that morning. We were absolutely elated, and happily held her for a while before we attempted the feeding.

The nurse wheeled over two privacy screens in preparation for her first mama/baby meal. She reminded me that breastfeeding does not come easy to everyone, and to not get discouraged. I spent the next 20 minutes or so trying to get Kaia on the breast. Honestly, I barely remember this feeding. I just remember how challenging it was to try to feed an infant when I was sitting in a wheelchair, with an IV stuck in the top of my hand and my abs torn to shreds. After about 20 minutes, the nurse brought over a bottle of Similac. We fed her as much as she wanted to eat. Any other day, I would've been worried about nipple confusion, and questioned why we were giving formula when I had pumped 10 mL of colustrum the night prior. However, I was so completely euphoric over the fact that she was being discharged from the NICU, that I just went along with the nurse's plan. I knew that she had already been given formula three times, so I figured there was no harm in one more time. (I later learned via K's discharge paperwork that the first three feedings were given to her via a tube in her mouth, not from an artificial nipple).

I spent three more days in the hospital. Over the course of these three days, I had expected to receive helpful breastfeeding guidance from the nurses and lactation consultants. What ensued, however, was a confusing mess of contradictions and terrible emotions. Kaia would occaisionally have a great feeding, but mostly spent 20 minutes at a time popping on and off the boob every 5 sucks. The nurses were required to write down how long she fed each time, and when I asked repeatedly about her pulling off, they mostly seemed interested in simply filling out their requisite paperwork, not worrying about the actual feeding itself. Every nurse or lactation consultant that came in the room had some contradicting point of view they had to share. One would say to strip her naked to keep her awake , another would crank up the heat to keep her warm, one nurse urged me to utilze her mouth wide open from crying to shove the nip in, another told me to never attempt to feed while crying. I had one nurse give me a nipple shield almost instantaneously in order to help her latch, only to have the next lactation consultant that visited YELL at me for having it, as if I had conned some sad nurse into giving me a silicone nipple to place over my boob. We spent the entire next day attempting to nurse while referencing a hospital-issued paper booklet on breastfeeding, which was illustrated with diagrams that looked as professionally drawn as a kindergartener's poster contest entry.

On the third morning of my stay, I was exhausted and at a breaking point. I had sent Kaia to the nursery for the last few hours of the night so that Bob and I could catch a little shut-eye. They wheeled her into me at 6am as the sun was rising. We had an absolutely perfect feeding on the left breast. She latched on and stayed for 20 minutes, contently nursing the whole time. As I moved her over to my right breast to top her off if she needed it, the day nurse entered the room to introuduce herself at the start of the shift. I informed her that we had just had a wonderful feeding, and I was just topping her off with the right if she wanted it. (The second breast is considered "optional".) Instead of taking the hint and leaving us alone, she stood over my side and literally shoved my nipple back into Kaia's mouth every time she pulled off crying. The nurse finally left us alone, telling me that she would let the lactation consultant know that we needed her assistance right away. Just when I thought I was making progress. I felt like the calm, serene feeding we had that morning had been wiped out, and that I was being told that what I was doing wasn't good enough. It was a terrible feeling.

A very kind lactation consultant visted my room an hour or so later. I broke down into tears as soon as she started talking to me. She quickly suggested (without EVER watching us feed, hmm..) that we only let Kaia attempt to feed for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, I would pump, and Bob would give her a bottle of formula or a combo of breastmilk and formula when my milk started to come in. She explained that there was no payoff with the colostrum so the babe was just giving up and falling asleep or pulling off. She assured us that we just needed to get Kaia the calories via the bottle and that she would have no problem latching once my milk came in. She then said not to worry, that almost ALL of the Moms on the floor were pumping and following this plan. (Now, this should have been a MAJOR red flag- why on earth would that many women need to pump?) However, this plan was in some ways a godsend at the time. A time limit for the nursing sessions was a major relief. I was so tired, and attempting to breastfeed every 3 hours for an hour straight was exhausting when you were recovering from major abdominal surgery. In addition, nursing in a bed or an uncomfortable hospital chair is next to impossible.

We spent the remainder of our stay in the hospital nursing, pumping, giving a bottle, and cleaning pump parts. By the morning of our discharge, my milk was transitioning in, and I was pumping enough to provide for a full feeding. We left the hospital armed with a rented hospital grade pump, lanolin, and a bunch of small bottles, ready to provide all the nourishment she needed via a breast pump, and the promise that Kaia would latch shortly.

What we did not realize, however, was that I was also leaving the hospital with a set of breasts that were being prompted to create a supply of milk so large that it would eventually prevent us from breastfeeding at all.

Blog redesign.

2010-01-19T11:20:00.001-08:00

I'm working on it. Because I hate looking at this crappy template every time I log on here. But considering the fact that I have an infant, this might take me 15 years. So bear with me.

Apparently I'm the one pound queen.

2010-01-18T13:14:00.000-08:00

I lost a pound. Again. That's it.

162.

Despite the fact that I did some kind of relatively strenuous exercise every day last week. Despite the fact that we took a 2 mile walk in Valley Forge UPHILL while pushing a stroller. Have you seen those hills? No? Well, all I can say is that it makes sense that Washington's army starved to death. Those dudes were burning some calories.

The good news is, my pants fit better this week. And by pants, yes, I do mean maternity pants. Thank god I bought two cute pairs of Gap maternity jeans early on, one with demi-panel and one with this weird back panel. Both had relatively limited lives during actual pregnancy, but have been life savers during this period of time where I feel aliens have taken over my body.

The good thing about an extended maternity leave is that I get a little bit longer to try to squeeze back into a size of pants I feel comfortable with. Because lord knows I'd be having a nervous breakdown if I'd have to be putting down a significant amount of cash for a new work wardrobe in a size 14 in two weeks.

3 months left until I go back to work. 3 months left until I have to squeeze my thighs into some trouser pants.

I hope I can bump this up to 2 pounds.

A breastfeeding tale. (Intro)

2010-01-17T07:18:00.000-08:00

I blame my 8th grade Home Economics teacher for placing the thought in my head that breastfeeding would be a breeze. She was one of the most optimistic women (read: annoyingly cheerful) I've every known. I can't remember the context, but for some reason, she was standing in front of the class one day telling us about what it was like to hold her son for the first time. She told us about how it was very important to give the baby colostrum right away to help their bodies transition into the world. "They put him on my lap, and I stroked his cheek with one finger" she said cheerfully. "Then, he turned his head to me and latched right on. We had a beautiful breastfeeding experience from that moment."

Despite the fact that I've heard/read eleventy billion people say that breastfeeding is hard work, that mantra from my home Ec teacher was always etched in my brain. In the back of my head, I always believed that if I just thought positive thoughts, and loved my baby, it would work. And, if I can be completely candid, I always privately judged people who were formula feeding because they "weren't able to breastfeed". I didn't care if someone chose to feed that way from the get-go, but it seemed to me that people who allegedly tried to nurse and weren't able to continue were kind of fabricating the truth. Possibly using that line because they didn't want to breastfeed after all, and didn't want others to pass judgement.

"Everyone can breastfeed!" I'd always heard. My inexperienced pea-brained self took that to heart, and believed it, without exception. A few weeks before delivery, I marched off to Barnes and Noble. I grabbed a pumpkin spice latte (the "theme" beverage of my 3rd trimester, for sure) and a copy of the Dr. Sears breastfeeding book. As I leafed through, the book reinforced my view. Breastfeeding is a natural act, that every mother/baby are programmed to do. There were only a few pages on latch technique- and the language that was utilized to describe these techniques was so simplistic that I didn't even bother to purchase the book.

The nurses and lactation consultants will teach me at the hospital, I'll have four days there, after all.
This was my thought as I drove home without any sort of a breastfeeding guide alongside me.

As I walked into the OR for my scheduled c-section, I thought about how excited I was to breastfeed her for the first time. I had pushed aside the sadness of not having a vaginal birth, and concentrated on that moment of bonding instead. I had been told countless times that we'd get to be together as soon as I was stitched up.

After they pulled her out of my belly, tears were shed, and pictures were taken, the nurse called over to me- "Honey, her blood sugar is a little low. The nursery is going to have to give her some formula while you get stitched up. Are you or your husband lactose intolerant?" Through the euphoria of the moment, I hollered back "Yes- Bob is". "We'll give her a little soy then", she responded.

So her first food wasn't going to be breastmilk. I could deal with that. She was here, after all, 10 fingers and 10 toes- screaming and kicking with great vigor. Sure, it wasn't exactly as I'd planned, but it was what was needed to keep her healthy.

Just then, I started to get an intense pain in my shoulder. I told the anesthesiologist and she told me that she would give me something to help, but it would probably make me sleepy. I joked with my OB across the curtain about Michael Jackson (it was the same drug he OD'd on) and fell fast asleep.

20 minutes later, I woke up in the recovery room without a baby beside me. I asked the nurse if I'd get to breastfeed her when we all got back to my room a few minutes later and she assured me that despite the fact that she would have just eaten formula, "a 8 lb 12 oz baby will definitely want to eat."

After we got back to my room, we found out that my little girl was not coming back to be with me right away. She was having trouble clearing the fluid from her lungs, and needed to stay in the nursery for observation. I was a puddle of tears, wailing out that it was killing me that I wouldn't even be able to pick her out of a line up of babies because I only saw her for a few minutes in the OR. Eventually, the nurses felt bad for me and got me into a wheelchair- legs still completely numb, catheter bag and all. They brought me into the nursery room to see her.

"I just want to hold her". I cried as I watched her breathing quickly on the warming table. "That's not what's best for her!" the nurse snapped at me. I wanted to wring her neck. How dare she tell me how I should feel at a moment like this.

About an hour later, the neonatal nurse walked into our room to tell us Kaia would have to be admitted to the NICU for further monitoring. More sobs.

So there I was. Four hours after birth finally having my first breastfeeding experience. However, instead of a warm, cozy brand new baby cuddled up against me, I was watching my nipples get pulled in and out of a breast pump while my husband scarfed down a ham sandwich. Hardly the perfect portrait painted by my Home Ec instructor. And, as I would soon learn, it would be a much more complicated journey than I'd ever imagined.

(To be continued...)

2 Boobs on Draught

2010-01-15T04:31:00.000-08:00

My sweet little child has decided to drink straight from the tap- with no nipple shield intervention- for roughly the past 24 hours. It's taking some extra nudges, boob holding, and concentration from me, but we are getting there. Rome wasn't built in a day, after all.

I never thought I'd see the day. woooo!

(My breastfeeding story soon to come)

A birth story.

2010-01-13T18:50:00.000-08:00

My Mom never wrote up an actual birth story, and I've never once wished she had. Instead, there is a single photo from my birth that is absolutely etched in my mind. It is a photograph of my Mom seeing me for the first time. The look on her face summed up the inexplicable moment that is the miracle of seeing your own child come into the world. The moment when every worry of pregnancy is washed away in an instant. It is a moment so cosmic that there is not a word in any earthly language that can be used to appropriately describe the emotion. That photograph of my own Mother spoke the same words to me as a child that they do now.
I sat down tonight with every intention of writing a traditional birth story composed of detailed timelines and flowery,emotional language. However, as I sit here, I realize that I just don't have it in me. In short, my child's birth was not at all how I planned. Was it upsetting at the time? Absolutely. However, I am not going to spend the time re-hashing the course of events, making my mind go back to the corners of memories I simply do not need to recall. The reality is, despite the fact that it did not go according to my master plan, it was the most beautiful and perfect day of my life. And that's not just flowery language, that's the absolute truth.
As Kaia grows, I hope she is able to look back at the photos from her birth and see the pure joy and unconditional love that surrounded all of us- because in the end, that truly is the only set of details that matters.

They grow up so fast.

2010-01-12T19:32:00.001-08:00

Today, as Kaia hung out on her playmat, and I worked on my crunches along side her, I wondered when she would start grabbing for her toys. She has loved to bat at her friends Mr. Elephant and Mr. Parrot for weeks now, but she has not yet wrapped her hand around a toy and lifted or pulled. Not more than two minutes later, I look over to see this:
Yep. Some little lady gripping and lifting her toy up and down ever so slightly. Just one small step today, but it is crazy to know that this is the start of the development of her little itty bitty motor skills. Watching an infant develop right in front of your eyes is probably one of the coolest things I've ever experienced.

Some random cute photos from today:

All smiles before getting dressed for the day!

Hanging out in the baby recliner (AKA Boppy with a receiving blanket) watching the "ladies" go round and round before bath time.

And finally, a seriously cute candid Saturday morning family shot from this past weekend..

Cut myself some slack day.

2010-01-12T08:52:00.000-08:00

I have decided that I am going to take a holiday from the nagging voice in my head today. I am not going to yell at myself for the fact that I haven't folded the laundry sitting in the dryer, nor am I going to berate myself because I have I not put away last weekend's load that is in the corner of the bedroom. I am not going to yell at myself for only losing one pound. I am not going to sit here and stress about the bills laying in front of me. I am not going to feel like a bad mother because Kaia's bookshelf does not look like it could be featured in Real Simple Magazine. I am not going to feel bad about the fact that I am not going to put on makeup at all today.

I am going to stay inside in my jammies all day long. And I am not going to feel bad about it. I need to cut myself some slack.

The unexpected challenge of working out.

2010-01-11T11:13:00.000-08:00

So, it's Monday. And here's what's happened in the past week. I've stayed within my calorie range all week. I mall walked. I didn't sit for three hours at a time. I lunged, I squatted. I figeted. I took the stairs. And.. I lost a pound. That's it.

Blah.

163. Still a ton of weight to go.

It's rather clear to me that I need to work out. Not just mall walk hard and stay active. Instead, I need to be breaking a sweat a few times a week. Get ugly and gross. I know that is the key to losing weight fast.

However, a strange Mom reality is holding me back. I simply cannot find the time to shower. That's it. It is a miracle that I am able to shower once a day. I'll be honest, there are days when it does not happen. Those are the really tough days when I actually have to choose between sleep and showering. Usually, sleep wins and I just take a shower the next morning.

So, point is, if I can't find the time for one shower, how am I supposed to shower, take care of my child, and then shower again?? I HATE being covered in sweat, especially in the wintertime. If at the gym, I always shower in the locker room rather than waiting until I get home. Now that we are cancelling our gym memberships for cost reasons, and relying on excerciseTV onDemand, I just cannot deal with the concept of finally feeling clean, only to get remarkably dirty again, without any promise of when the relief from said dirtiness is going to occur.

And that is my random weight-loss as a Mom vent of the day.

Rollin...rollin...rollin from the belly...

2010-01-07T19:30:00.000-08:00

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a roller!!

I didn't have my camera going for the initial roll this morning, but it was extremely exciting. She was hanging out in her crib doing some mid-morning tummy time when she lifted up one side and rolled over! The look on her face was priceless when she realized what she had done. I squealed with glee and promptly called Bob and my Mom. She did not have any interest in repeating after the initial roll, but luckily, was glad to put on a show for her Daddy & the camera this evening before bathtime:

(Note my hand being thrown in there to protect from whacking face against crib. I guess since we are bumperless it's time for on the floor tummy time...)

Since she has decided to roll at the prime young age two months/2 days, I believe she is trying to send us a signal that she wants to be enrolled in gymnastics, stat!

Happy 2 month Birthday!

2010-01-05T10:07:00.000-08:00

Today marks TWO months with our little lady. I know it's on old cliche- but as much as this two months have flown by, I can't remember life without her.

Two Month Milestones & Memories:
-First smiles at 5 weeks, consistent smiles at 6 weeks. Kaia is all smiles first thing in the morning on her changing pad and when she wakes up from a good nap. Her first big coo and smile combo occured when Harold slinked by while she looked up at him.
-Kaia started sleeping in her crib on Christmas day, at 7 weeks.
-She loves to lay in her crib and stare at the ladybugs going round and round on her mobile.
-Kaia is able to hold her head up to 90 degrees when she lays on her belly. She tolerates tummy time during the day, but LOVES it right before bed during naked time.
-She loves baths, and will let out a big, relaxed sigh as you lower her in.
-Kaia loves to cuddle with Daddy in Bed in the morning, and will promptly fall back to sleep on his chest.
-Kaia dislikes any sort of reclining position while she is awake. She spends the entire time trying to sit up!
-She sleeps 9 hours at night- waking up Mom & Dad for one twenty minute snack & a diaper change in the middle.
-Finally, Kaia is one big girl! She is currently in the 75th percentile for weight and 75th to 90th for height. Said another way, she'll be taller than her Mom by 5th grade.

So take a look at me now, I'm not even remotely close to an empty space...

2010-01-04T06:48:00.000-08:00

It's plain and simple. I've got a lot of weight to lose.

Let's take a walk down memory lane. It all started June 28, 2008, AKA my wedding day. I was 130 pounds, healthy, and very happy with my body. Ok, very happy is not exactly accurate. At the time, I wanted to be thinner, but now I look back at my wedding photos and yearn to have that body back. At that time, I was doing yoga at the studio across the street from my apartment 5 times a week. And I didn't drink pop. That was it. (sigh)

Then, we went on our honeymoon. Yes, to an all-inclusive. I woke up every morning and walked over to the Excellence Club and brought back brie, fruit, and crackers to my balcony. I ate and sipped mimosas made from the mini bar while Bob snoozed. When he woke up, we went to breakfast (round 2 for me).We then commenced drinking top-shelf liquor and mixed drinks for 8+ hours. Let me just say, when I returned back to the office, my size 6 Banana Republic pants were a leeeeetle tight.
No big deal, right? I'll just get right back into my 5x's per week yoga regimen at the studio across the street, and the weight will fall right off.
Well, one month after we returned from the honeymoon... my apartment burns down. Awesome. So, not only do I not have a yoga studio nearby to return to, Bob and I spend the next 5 months of our life practically LIVING in shopping malls and stores, and yes, therefore, food courts and restaurants. I've never checked the nutrition info on an IKEA swedish meatball plate, but I'm pretty sure that Dr. Oz wouldn't approve.
By the time our life is somewhat back in order, it's christmas, and we all know that's no time for weight loss. Then, in February, it was time for our big vacation- a cruise to the Western Caribbean out of New Orleans followed by four days back in NOLA for Mardi Gras. It was a much needed vacation after 7 or so months of craziness. We did a lot of this on the cruise:
only to return to NOLA to do some more of this:

As you may have heard, the average cruise passenger gains at least 5 pounds. Add to that a half-week's stay in a town with INCREDIBLE food and drink, culminating in a holiday that literally has "FAT" in the title.. and,well, let's just say I flew back to Philly adding a bit more of a burden to the plane as compared to my trip down.

Less than two weeks later, I find out that I'm pregnant. Holla! I weigh in at my first appointment at 148 pounds. Yep, 18 pounds higher than on my wedding day. I went on to gain what I assume is around 40 pounds during my pregnancy. ( I stopped looking @ 36 weeks when I was up to 180. I was swelling like crazy and there wasn't much I could do at that point). Here I am on Halloween, 5 days before Kaia's birthday:

I didn't weigh myself until one month post-partum. Partially because I didn't want to know what I was left to deal with after that whirlwhind year, but mostly because Bob and I never re-bought a scale. When I got around to purchasing one, the number I saw was pretty horrifying. 175. I'm 5'2, people. Not good.

It's been a month since that first PP weigh-in, and I'm down to 164. So, 11 pounds lost. Not tooo shabby, but I still have 16 pounds to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight and 12 more to get to my goal weight of 136. As much as I'd love to get back to the 128-130 range again, I know that will be a major challenge. 134 was my body's happy weight pre-pregnancy- what I stay at if I'm eating reasonably well and staying moderately active. Add a pound to that due to the fact that my boobs are currently acting as a baby vending machine, and another pound due to the fact that, for the love of god, I carried around a CHILD for 9 months.

So, 23 pounds to go. With the help of babyfit.com, breastfeeding, and lean cuisines I hope to be back in shape, feel good about myself, and in a bikini in no time! (ok, everything except that last part.)

I'm baaaaaaack...

2010-01-03T09:30:00.000-08:00

Ok, so, I found out the delivery date of my little girl and fell off the face of the blogging planet. Whoops! Well, I am back, and plan on getting back in the swing of things with this blog. I'm planning on working on a redesign over the next few days and *hopefully* earn back my readers! A lot has gone on in the two months since Kaia's birth and I have a lot of blog entries swirling around in my head. So, let me catch you up before we get started!!

Our little girl, Kaia James was born via scheduled c-section on Nov. 5th 2009, weighing in at a whopping 8 lbs 12 oz.

She had a little bit of a rough start and had to spend her first night away from us in the NICU due to TTN- (Transient Tachypnea of the Newborn)- which in layman's terms is essentially excess fluid in the lungs. It is a extremely common c-section complication. She was back with us by 11am the next morning. Birth Story to come soon! (Finally!!)

We spent the first 3 weeks of her life working through some major breastfeeding challenges. Talk about an eye-opening life experience. I promise to write a big long post on my breastfeeding experience this week- it was a very interesting road.

Kaia @ 2 weeks old

By 3 weeks, our little lady was back up to birthweight and growing (height-wise) like a weed. At this point, she had begun nursing like a champ with the help of a nipple shield. Thank the good lord. We were given the go-ahead to feed on-demand. Almost immediately, Kaia started sleeping 5-hour stretches, and has been a great sleeper ever since. Woo-hoo!

After we got all of that feeding nonsense out of the way, we have been able to just enjoy our little girl. Here's Month Two in Pictures, Enjoy!:

I will see you tomorrow for the start of Blair's McFatty Monday's. It's time to shed some poundage!

The big day is officially scheduled!

2009-10-19T19:04:00.000-07:00

Thursday, November 5th sounds like a lovely birthday, no?

11:30 am it is :)

I cannot wait to meet her.

Belly Laughs.

2009-10-17T20:15:00.000-07:00

I love my baby's feetsies.
I've been able to feel her feet clearly from the outside for a while now, but within the past few days the kicks and pushes have gotten so strong and her movements have become so much like those of an outside baby. When she's moving around I can feel her little heel and her toes. Sometimes she lets me hold onto her foot and shake it around, other times she pulls it back right away. Although I've always felt connected to her an emotional level, having a full-sized baby in there has really made me feel so much more connected to her. Sure, having a good sized kid in there is horribly uncomfortable, but it has helped reality set in that we are really truly having a baby.
I think it is true that I am going to miss this. I am going to miss the moments where one of her little foot wiggles makes me spontaneously giggle and it's just between the two of us.

Crazy day yesterday!

2009-10-16T06:53:00.000-07:00

So, sorry for the lack of picture and update last night, it turned out to be a very very busy day.
My department ended up throwing a surprise baby shower for me at lunchtime. Although baby showers are pretty much the norm around here, It was still a huge surprise because one of my co-workers got in touch with Bob and he came to the shower! It was so weird to see him in my office. It was very nice, and we received a ton of stuff that remained from our registry, plus a gift card. A co-worker/friend also made us a gorgeous baby blanket. I love home-made stuff!!
After that, I had to pull a few work things together and then it was time for the doc's office. News was pretty much as expected, she is still not head down. Considering the fact that I am well aware of where her noggin is, I was not shocked and did not get upset at all. Good news is- fluid looks good and although the cord is near her head, it is not tightly wrapped around her neck, there is plenty of space/fluid between her and the cord. He then took the measurements in order to get the weight estimate. Apparently she is a pretty good sized lady. She is measuring in the 61st percentile and is guesstimated to weigh 6 lb 9 oz already. Considering the fact that I am 5'2, this is a pretty big baby to have in there. No wonder I'm so uncomfortable!
Anyway, after checking all this stuff out, my doc said that considering her size, frank breech position, and cord location, I would not be a good external version candidate. Although I was not going to do the version anyway, I am glad to know that I am not going to have to play the "coulda shoulda woulda" game after the c-section. I just know that this is the only way to go, and go that way we will.
So, the office is working on scheduling my c-section today. Assuming there is room for me in the L&D schedule, Nov. 5th will be the big day. Yes, that is less than 3 weeks away. I am so freaking excited. I have no idea how I am supposed to concentrate on anything else over the next 3 weeks!!

36 weeks.

2009-10-15T08:52:00.001-07:00

And with that, I have officially reached whale status.

I have no idea what I am going to wear for these last couple of weeks at work. I am fighting all day to keep my shirt down over my belly. I also have acquired at least 4 small chocolate stains on my white shirt today. Oh well. I couldn't care less what I look like right now.

Picture to come this evening.

Also, I just audibly said "OW!" outloud during a meeting when one of the baby's tootsies decided to attempt to try to pry my ribs apart. When people discussed uncomfortableness at the end of pregnancy, I had no idea that a majority of that discomfort was due to the fact that movement becomes absolutely painful. Not just occaisionally, but consistently painful! I miss the movement around 26 weeks that was so strong and intense, but still fun and painless.

Anyway, ultrasound, GBS test, and internal today. I can't wait to find out how big he thinks she is!

My foray into acupuncture.

2009-10-13T17:29:00.001-07:00

So, tomorrow is the final attempt we will make in operation flippy baby. Last week I had chiropractics on Monday, Acupuncture on Wednesday, then Chiro again on Friday. I told him last week that I was going to give it two more attempts this week before my ultrasound on Thursday. So, on Monday we did both Chiro and acupuncture and tomorrow we will do the same. Although it has been an interesting experience, so far, it has been completely and utterly fruitless.
Although there has been some pretty grandiose movement over the last week, she clearly is still sitting straight up and down. Every night I hope that she flips while I'm sleeping. And yet, every morning, while eating my cereal, I see and feel a bony little noggin push out right up towards my ribs as if to say "Hi Mom, I'm still here!".
As for the acupuncture itself, it is pretty cool. Before pregnancy, I was rather skeeved out by needles, and to be honest, acupuncture scared the crap out of me. However, after getting stuck by a zillion needles for blood draws up until this point and the zillion more that are to come, I have gotten a lot more used to the idea and they bother me very little now. I had always heard that the needles don't hurt at all. I never could believe this, after all, it is a needle going into the skin, how could that not hurt?? Well, I am here to say, it doesn't hurt AT ALL. It's not even a pinch, or pain so negligible it is almost nothing. There is straight up no pain. Have you ever stuck a needle into a pin cushion, and felt the slight tension or push back you get from the cushion? Obviously, the pin cushion doesn't feel any pain because it is inanimate. However, somehow, that is exactly what it feels like. You just can feel the tension of the needle going in, but that is all. Very interesting stuff! So, basically the acupuncture process includes just 4 needles. One goes in on the top side of each arm near the wrist, and one on the upper side of each foot. Then, he proceeds to burn a stick of moxa (an herb) over the pinky toe. He basically holds it over one side until it gets too hot, then switches to the other.
So, even if we don't get a head-down baby, at least I've had an interesting life experience. As for the chiropractics, that has totally helped with my back pain. I'm going to go once a week for the last few weeks of the pregnancy just to keep things aligned. I've totally noticed an improvement. I always was highly skeptical of chiropractics, but I am now a believer.
As of now, I am quite certain we are going to be scheduling a c-section on Thursday. During this past week, I really have come to terms with it, and I have found myself focusing more on the positive aspects. Most of all, I think it will be great to have a set date to look forward to. Since the doc will likely want to do the c-section at 39 weeks, that means that I am very likely just about 3 weeks from having a baby. Even though this pregnancy has seemed to drag on, the fact that I am going to be a Mom so very soon is mind-blowing.

Geriatric time.

2009-10-11T16:59:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of blogging this last week. To make a long story short, I am a cranky, very pregnant woman with a large head still wedged in my ribs. I'm quite certain she's actually bruised something in there, as it hurts in a very specific spot any time I move a certain way. Fun times. I also can't roll over in the middle of the night without flailing around like a turtle on it's back for about 15 minutes first. Trying to roll over with no ab muscles left to speak of and the equivelent of a ~6 pound weight on your stomach is not so easy. I am sure Bob is just loving it. That said, I did have a pretty good week. We went to the Phillies game (Div playoff game #2) on Thursday. Although they lost, we had some of the last seats on the 3rd baseline, in a seat where there was NO ONE to my left. Just Bob and I in the row.(400 level- you don't get to pick your seats in the postseason). It was an absolutely beautiful day and we had a really nice time. I spent the rest of my nights keeping busy- including 3 appointments with the chiro/acupuncturist. I'm going to write more on that topic tomorrow, pretty interesting stuff!
In the meantime, it hit me this week that I really, really needed a lapdesk for bed. Sitting propped up in bed is really the only way I am comfortable. We skipped off to Bed Bath and Beyond and acquired it yesterday. Let me just say, I feel like a nursing home patient with it, and I love it. I was able to sit there yesterday and pay bills, write all my thank you notes, and do a little work. Bob has dubbed it "command central". It has slots in the side for all my stuff. Now if only I can get a bed pan.

Chiropractor/acupuncturist consultation

2009-10-02T14:53:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I realize I posted yesterday that I'm not going to post about having a breech baby. How silly of me. I know a lot of people are interested in the acupuncture and chiropractic stuff, so I am definitely going to write about it! Just no more sad breech baby posts. Just moving onward and upward with a positive attitude.
So anyway, I met with the chiro/acupuncturist today. The good news is, he looked at my pelvis, and instantly saw what very likely may be the issue. Apparently, the right side of my pelvis has shifted upwards with pregnancy, making my right leg about a half an inch shorter than my left. Funny thing is, I've definitely noticed this when walking! It always feels like my left foot is pressing further into my ground than my right. Who knew I was right! Apparently there is a medical reason for my waddle, and hopefully we can fix it and get this baby to turn!
We talked about all of the options and I pretty much decided to try a combo of chiro, moxibustion (that's the plant being burned over the tootsies) and acupuncture, on a rather rigorous schedule. He said that we can try the chiropractics, and if my pelvis realigns and she STILL doesn’t flip, we will work only on the acupuncture techniques moving forward. So, Monday= Chiro, Tuesday= Acupuncture, Wednesday= Chiro again. Then we’ll go from there. I am praying this works quickly and I’ll only need a week of treatment. If not, I’m willing to try until 37 weeks (3 weeks total). At that point, I will be done.
He didn’t have exact success rates for me but said he has FAR more people end up with head-down babies than those who stay breech. I am really optimistic after talking to him. Let’s hope this works!!

5 minutes of false hope.

2009-10-01T14:30:00.000-07:00

Today, at my Dr.'s appointment, my OB felt my belly and said that he would have guessed head-down if I hadn't of told him I thought she was still breech. Since I am off to the chiropractor/acupuncturist tomorrow, he wanted to do a super quick ultrasound to check the baby's position before I paid for a consultation or treatment. Even though I knew in my heart of hearts that she was still breech, I started to let myself picture what would it would be like to actually have a head-down baby. I thought about coming on here and writing a happy post entitled something along the lines of "head down baby!".
Well, not so much. Doc put the wand at the top of my belly, and there it was. A beautiful little cranium. Sigh.
Bob and I went for a tour of the L&D unit on Tuesday. The hospital is so nice, and the delivery rooms are unbelievably enormous. As we stood in the room, listening to the tour guide tell us about the process and policies around labor and delivery, I realized how utterly and completely sad I am that there is a very good chance that I am never going to get to experience labor and delivery the "old fashioned way". I have no idea why, but seeing the giant blue foam leg holders/stirrups folded underneath the hospital bed just made me so sad. I realized that night that there is a good chance I'm never going to get to have a baby placed on my stomach while she has her first cries. Or that I'm never going to get to have the experience of bonding with my Husband as he helps me through labor. Although I know people have successful VBACs every day, I'm not one for risk, and I know that if I have a c-section with this baby, I'm going to have one for all future babies.
Even though there still is a chance she could flip, and I hope these measures do the trick, I can't help but feel stuck in a terrible sense of limbo. I don't even want to waste my time thinking about a vaginal birth, only to have my hopes shattered later on. If I start to think about what I'd like on my labor Ipod playlist, I push it out of my mind- obviously music is not allowed in the OR. I also can't help but feel this incredible sense of jealousy towards people with head-down babies. Why did it come so easily for them, and not me? Am I doing something wrong?
I know there are a million concerns 3000xs more severe than having a breech baby and therefore a c-section. Heck, I could end up needing a c-section in the end anyway. This is the last post I'm writing about this topic until I have a final verdict around 37 weeks. I don't really buy the "Law of Attraction", but if there is some truth to it, I am breaking every rule. It's time for me to focus on the positive, and be happy tthat I live in a country with doctors that know how to provide the appropriate care for my baby and I, and keep us both safe. I know that in the end when I have her, I'm not going to care how she got here. It is time to focus on that.

International Communication Fail.

2009-10-01T11:17:00.000-07:00

Today, I was on a call with the IT Help Desk which is (of course) in India. As I rattled off the characters of my computer name, I started normally. "B as in boy 1, 7, C as in Charilie.." etc. Then it all went downhill. "P as in.. (mind goes blank as I search my brain for a non-body part word that starts with P)..ummm, Punxsutawney".

Yes, because I am sure busting out the obscure name of Groundhog Phil's hometown is really going to help this lady decipher "P" from "B".

Apparently my international business degree has failed me.

To everything, turn, turn turn...

2009-09-29T13:03:00.000-07:00

So, baby and I have an appointment set up for Friday at 2pm for a consultation with a chiropractor/acupuncturist. It's time to get this baby a-turnin'. Since this guy is kinda a two-for one deal, it will be nice to have one person trying all these different things. I'll be interested to see where he wants to start.
I'm hoping this kiddo sees this consultation like a trip to the principal's office, and she'll stop goofing off and turn around on her own. More realistically, I think she just has no idea which way is out. The amount of pressure she is putting on the top right side of my belly is unbelievable. Apparently she does not realize that my belly skin is not going to efface. Maybe she's just going to be a "think outside the box" type of girl. I never read directions either, she must have learned it from watching me.

I still exist.

2009-09-28T18:02:00.000-07:00

So sorry I've failed at blogging the last few days. I have become so exhausted and uncomfortable! This baby is so far up in my ribs that I just can't get comfy, and the days seem soo long.
We did a ton of shopping, nursery prepping, closet cleaning, etc. this weekend. We are currently in that stage where things look worse before they look better. I hate that stage. Regardless, I am so tired that as much as I would like to just zip around the house and get everything done in a few power hours, my body just won't let me.
Overall, I'd say the nursery is 85% of the way there. I loove the furniture, and the bedding/crib/mobile looks so cute. Sometimes I look at other people's painted nurseries and get jealous, but I know there is no sense in painting a room in a house we will move out of so soon. Regardless, we've put a lot of love into her room, and that makes me happy. We did have a slight curtain debacle. I won't get into it, but it involved two trips to Pottery Barn Kids because the lights went out in the mall on trip #1, a sobfest over a shade of pink, Bob digging through the trash for the packaging (he's a saint), and finally a trip to Target for some plain ol' white curtains that will not make a statement but will just plain blend in. Fine.
I wanted more than anything to make pumpkin bread yesterday. Well, turns out, canned pumpkin is pretty much impossible to find this year. I checked with two grocery stores yesterday and they were both yet to receive any. I finally called and found a store tonight that had some. I rushed there, and there were only TWO cans left on the shelf. I snatched them up, eager to head home and throw a couple bread pans in the oven. Of course, once I'm home and we've eaten dinner, pans already greased for the bread, I realize that I only have two cups of sugar vs. the requisite three. Ugh. Tomorrow it is.

Coming to you live from...

2009-09-23T11:53:00.000-07:00

...my new glider!!!! Holy most comfortable chair in the whole world. Recliners sure are tacky, but they sure are awesome. When the salesperson said "hidden recliner lever"3 months ago, I almost peed with excitement. Now that I sit here in this newly delivered chair, I am so glad we went this route. I'm sitting here, working with my feet up, baby head out of ribs due to the recline position, and back fully supported. Can I move this chair into my cube, please?
Oh yes, the dresser and crib are here too! The crib is absolutely gorgeous. I am in love with it. Now I just have to get all of this baby gear put away so that this room can be 100% done. Soooo exciting... EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK..

I forgot to write about Suze Orman....

2009-09-20T19:46:00.001-07:00

And I've lost my passion for the topic in the meantime. Well, I'll sum it up. She is a tool. An annoying, overpaid, overhyped tool. Providing general one-sized fits all financial advice is not only annoying, it is irresponsible. That's all I have to say about that.

In other news, we had a busy weekend. We went to Buy Buy Baby and Babies R Us yesterday and bought a majority of the "stuff" we had left to buy. We did really, really well.
The high-chair decision was weighing on us heavily. My parents bought us the Boon Flair (which we wanted and registered for), but the brake did not work. At all. Turns out, it wasn't just our chair, the brake pretty much just doesn't work on the model! After returning it, we thought we'd go with the Svan, but after seeing it in person, I just was not impressed. It just looked like it could tip right over, and it was just so small. Even though a kid can allegedly sit on it until they are 250 pounds, if she has my thighs, that is not happening. After hours of searching and re-hashing Baby Bargains, we decided to go with the Chicco. It is safe, looks good enough, and has a lot of great features. Also, it is a lot less expensive than the other options we looked at.

Other stuff:

-We got a cheap, no frills Graco pack-in-play for travel. We're also going to get a bassinet for in the room as well. The price of the two together is the same price as one of the enormous, decked out PNP's. So that's good. I can't help it, I want my baby in a cuddly little bassinet.
-We decided on an Oi Oi Messenger-style diaper bag. We found it online for $90 bucks. We thought we'd go with the Skip Hop but it was pretty non-impressive in person.

(Pause. Cat Deely just showed up on the Emmy's. I love her. TV would be better if she would just host every show on TV. You hear that, Seacrest?)

-Why the heck are burp cloths so expensive? I think I might just buy some cloth diapers (the non folded ones). Or use Ikea dish towels. Seriously. They are 59 cents each.

As for gear we still need to figure out:
-Diaper Pail. The Genie refills seem like such a waste. Should I just buy a metal trashcan with a lid?
-Curtains.
-Floor Lamp
-Hamper
-Books!
-Probably some other crap I'm not thinking of, but we're really most of the way there!

One last thing- furniture is being delivered on Wednesday! I can't wait to get everything set up, and post pictures.

Long day.

2009-09-17T19:33:00.000-07:00

Here's a sum:

1. Attended Governor's conference for women today.

a) Freaked out about swine flu as a result of being in close proximity to 4000 people.
b) Made huge mistake by attending a financial planning break-out session right before a lunch with the uber annoying, self-righteous, guilt-inducing Suze Orman as keynote speaker. Blood pressure rises after two hours straight of personal finance chat. (More to come on Suze tomorrow)
c) Someone took cake from a pregnant woman. From in front of her place setting. Without asking first. This happened while said pregnant woman was eyeing the cake lovingly because the entire lunch consisted of a cup of greens, some peas, carrots and a cold chicken breast. Then, said pregnant person was forced to be the stereotypical pregnant person and ask everyone at the table if they were going to eat their cake. Awesome.
d) Judge Hatchett was there too. I love her. She is super cute in person, and a great speaker. She was wearing a fiery red suit. Holla!
e) Two comments were made by speakers about Gov Rendell being sexy. One involved a thong. Ugh.

2. I saw a guy at Market-East station wearing a fedora, a long wool coat (it was 67 degrees out today, come on), wing-tipped shoes, and a stubby cigar hanging out of his mouth. Sweet.

3. Boob pump arrived on doorstep. I went with the Freestyle in the end. It was $210 for the freestyle and $165 for the Pump in Style advanced. I figured that I'd spend the difference on batteries if I went with the PISA, since the Freestyle uses A/C power.

4. Recieved exciting phone call in the car on the drive to the Phillies game.. OUR FURNITURE IS IN!!! WOOOOO!! I'll call to schedule delivery tomorrow. Soo happy.

5. Went to Phillies game. Freaked out again about swine flu as a result of being in such close proximity to 45,000 people.
a) Realized that wearing Bob's t-shirt is a lot more comfortable than my own, these days
b) Rally towels are back, sweet.
c) I ate my first whole pint of ice cream as a pregnant woman.
d) I finally spotted the loaded Nachos that I knew I saw weeks ago. Bob thought it was a mirage and didn't believe me. Well, I tracked them down and proceeded to do a few "I told you so's. I had already eaten, but I know what I'm having next time! (Too bad I had a confirmed sighting at our second to last season ticket game- boo!!)
e) Phils win!

6. Goodnight!

Time to bust out the peas.

2009-09-16T13:31:00.000-07:00

Dearest baby,

Sorry little lady, but it's time for a bag of peas to be on your head on a nightly basis until you flip over into a head-down position. As much as I am willing to go for acupuncture starting at 34 weeks in order to help you flip, a 99 cent bag of peas is a LOT more cost-effective. Sure, I could spend $125 on one acupuncture session, but wouldn't it be more fun for that same $125 to go towards some super cute outfits or some more of your beautiful newborn photos to have around the house? If you flip over for Mommy as a result of project peas, I promise that I will not get mad if you choose to turn up your nose at said vegetable for the rest of your life. Brocolli is a lot more tasty, anyway.

Love (and somersaulty thoughts),
Your Mommy

I'd like to make an announcement.

2009-09-14T07:47:00.000-07:00

I've managed to put my underwear on inside-out for the past three days straight.

Hand-made gifts!

2009-09-13T17:52:00.000-07:00

As mentioned in my earlier post, we were gifted some absolutely gorgeous hand-made items. I love this stuff, because I am not crafty at all.

From top: Bibs from my Mom, Nursery quilt & detail, and another quilt from my friend's mom!

What a nice weekend!

2009-09-13T16:35:00.001-07:00

So, this weekend ended up being absolutely wonderful. It was so, so nice to see my family, my best childhood friend, and my college girlfriends. My sister's mother-in-law came down as well, which was just so nice.
We had a really nice time at the shower. Unfortunately, the skies were a little grey, but we still had a great time. At one point, I was blindfolded and forced to taste and guess baby food flavors. The worst of them? Lamb. Seriously terrible. Somehow, it actually got worse after I swallowed it. The guests were lucky I don't have morning sickness these days, I think some pregnant chicks would've yacked that right up. Don't worry, I happily reminded my girlfriends that I will be helping to plan their baby showers later, and there will be payback. Muahaha.
We received some absolutely wonderful gifts. We got a lot of our gear/bigger ticket items and tons of totally cute clothes. My sister got us the Moby wrap and I am super excited about that! We received practical stuff like pacis and bottles, and fun things like nursery decorations. My mom made us an absolutely gorgeous and perfect quilt for her bedroom, and some adorable hand-sewn bibs. This little one is especially spoiled, too, because my friend's mom made her a gorgeous purple quilt as well. That was a total surprise!
It was really nice to have a shower with just people closest to you, it was so much less stressful than my wedding shower. It's also exciting to see how much this baby means to other people who care about us. I am sure she is going to be so loved. even if some of it is long-distance love a majority of the time. :)

Shower weekend!

2009-09-10T14:47:00.000-07:00

So, this weekend my lovely girlfriends from college are throwing me a little shower for family and friends. I'm a little bummed that it's going to be small due to the fact that I live 300 miles away from my family, and the fact that I don't know many people in this area. However, I'm a bit uncomfortable with being the center of attention- it was fine as a bride but these days I am so sick of being stared at. Therefore, I think having a small group will be a good thing for this reason.
Regardless, I probably won't be around much this weekend. I am hoping I don't tire out too much, I am so exhausted these days.
In other news, my child appears to enjoy kicking some organ on the lower left side of my abdomen. I have no idea what it is, but it HURTS! Maybe it's just my hip? Who knows.
Oh yeah, and... 31 weeks today! Ooo Oooo!!!

I am too exhausted to post.

2009-09-09T15:31:00.000-07:00

I have no idea how I'm going to drag myself into the office for another 8 weeks.

I'll try to have something more to say tomorrow. For now, I'm just trying to keep my eyes open.

Nesting.

2009-09-07T17:43:00.000-07:00

The nesting urge is terrible. I had NO idea it was going to be this intense and utterly irrational. I didn't realize that asking my husband to vacuum at 9:30 at night was going to seem like the perfect way to wrap up an evening following a romantic Thai dinner.

Most of all, I didn't realize that I should have purchased stock in Crate & Barrel and Pottery Barn before getting knocked up. I knew that having a baby was going to be expensive, but good lord, I had no idea that those expenses would include hundreds of dollars in non-baby related decor and picture frames.

Heaven forbid my child be born into a home without photo ledges and wicker baskets stuffed with cozy blankets.

And now it's time for a breakdown..

2009-09-05T19:05:00.001-07:00

Today started out with a very, very lovely prenatal massage. Well, actually, it started out with small hairs being ripped from my eyebrows with hot wax, but let's ignore that little detail. Bob had given me a gift card to a spa right near our house as a christmas gift. Now, I loooooove a day at the spa, but since I got pregnant soon after christmas, it sat in a drawer unused. There was something that sort of made me nervous about getting a massage while pregnant, even though my doctor highly encouraged it. Earlier this week after writhing in pain all day, I picked up the phone and made an appointment. Although the masseuse was not the best I've ever had (it was a little "pinchier" than I like, if that makes sense), it was still wonderful to get some kinks ironed out. Moreover, it was nice to just lay in silence with no purpose other than to relax. I haven't done that enough lately.

I think I'll probably go back for one more massage before I deliver this baby, probably around 37 weeks or so when I am enormous. The yoga studio I used to belong to offers prenatal massages, and they are about 10 minutes longer and 15 bucks cheaper. I think I'll give that a shot next time.

After I got back, we took a drive out to Lancaster county in order to pick up a bookshelf for our living room. You can't go wrong with Amish furniture, it's virtually IKEA prices for handmade solid wood furniture. Anyway, we had a fabulous lunch at my favorite Pennsylvania Dutch restaurant- rotisserie chicken with potato salad and pickled egg (both just like my mom makes) followed up by a delicious slice of blueberry pie. Yum. We then took a trip up the road to a fave bakery of ours and picked out some serious goodies. An apple pie, a whoopie pie, cinnamon sticky buns for breakfast, and a container of...get this..caramel apple candy corn. You know how candy corn has that awesome addicting texture, but the flavor is kinda fake and blah? As a result, you keep eating them even when your stomach is upset and you feel like you are going to vom? Well, these ones have the glorious texture, but also taste just like you are eating a caramel apple. And, a big box was only $1.44. I should've bought two. I love the Amish.

Ok, so back to the point of this trip. We went over to the furniture store and picked out a bookshelf we liked, and an end table for next to our leather chair, as Bob has got to stop putting his pint glass on the floor. Drives me bonkers. Everything fits in the car (yay), and they give us a free replacement drawer handle for the one I broke off the dresser a few months back (yay). We had a nice drive home through the farms and past horses & buggies. All in all a nice afternoon.

Until we got home.

Oh lord, tragedy struck. It was a horrific realization... the end table is way too tall for the chair. Time for a pregnant lady emotional breakdown. I've been very even-keel emotions-wise for this entire pregnancy. I've only had one other incidence of severe emotional irrationality, and it was a first tri sobfest over the fact that I didn't own a brown purse. As Bob carted the little table from place to another in the living room trying to find an acceptable spot for it, I sat in the chair and sobbed endlessly. For a solid 15 minutes. I calmed myself down for a bit, long enough to put my books on my new bookshelf. During that activity, I start sobbing at the thought that eventually there will be more books, and we'd need to buy another bookshelf.

How in the world are we ever going to afford a baby and another bookshelf!? Yes. This is seriously something I said aloud through my tears. Oh lord.

I continued to sit and stare at the wall as I cried about being terrible about decorating, paying for L&D costs, the fact that the Target photo lab was closed last Saturday and that's not fair, and how I am a failure as a person for not doing the dishes in a timely manner last night.
Eventually, I was wise enough to pour myself a glass of water and crawl into bed, bringing my container of candy corn with me.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, pregnancy has a weird way of making you revert to childlike behaviors. You constantly have snot everywhere, you don't always know if you have to pee or not, you spill stuff on yourself and lack fine motor skills, and you can cry for an hour for no reason at all. I guess learning to be patient with yourself during pregnancy is a good way of building the patience you'll need when you actually do have a little child running around.

Now, I'm off to bed so I don't get cranky again.

I forgot to blog about this.

2009-09-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

The other day at the Phillies game, as I was doing the awkward sliding into the row past standing people thing, I hit the woman in front of me square in the head with my belly. She did not look amused.

oops.I think it's getting out of control.

Gettin shiz done.

2009-09-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

Mama to-do list in progress today:

-Pediatrician meet and greets- 2 messages have been left. I'm scheduling one appointment with a friend's pediatrician and another with the pedi my doc recommends. I'm going to go out on a limb and schedule a third with another random practice I found on googly moogly. I hope these people call me back so I can get this show on the road ASAP. I am totally stressing about this issue, and I want to get it OFF my to-do list.

-Newborn photographer- Exchanged some e-mails with the fave photog I found on the web. In an exciting development, she does have a recently completed studio where she prefers to do newborn photo shoots. Yay. I really didn't want the shoot at my house, as it is a rental and we have no sentimental attachment to it. Also, the lighting is lame. Anyway, I am super pumped that by tomorrow, I should be all booked on this. Here is her blog link- sort by Newborns and prepare for a squee fest. http://www.jenniferbretonphotography.com/blog/

...Can I also just add that having a child has sooo many hidden costs? Up until I started researching a few weeks ago I had NO idea that I should be prepared to spend ~$1k for newborn photos. Holy Bojangles. Totally worth it, but I think it's time to re-do the family budget!

-Boob pump. Thank the lord I get Medelas for about 50% through my company. I need to bite the bullet and make the PISA vs. Freestyle decision I've been debating for months.

Turns out, Furniture-gate is lame.

2009-09-01T08:21:00.000-07:00

They were calling to say the glider is in. That's it. They distinctly told us they would NOT call with this news since it always comes in before the furniture. They are going to have quite the hefty phone bill for calling a phone located in Germany to share that news. Oh well.

In other news, I feel like a grouchy unfocused pregnant person today. I couldn't sleep last night, and I've felt like vomiting all morning. In honor of this, I'd like to highlight the things I am ready to be done with, but at the same time, the things I am thankful I am not experiencing.

Things I am so over:

-Bloody noses. I'm sick of blowing my nose and seeing a scene from a horror movie on the tissue.
-Creepy pregnancy dreams. No, I do not enjoy having dreams about taking my not fully cooked baby to a water aerobics class wrapped in a paper towel.
-Not being able to focus. I have been trying to review the same report for an hour and it is just not happening. Ooh.. a fly!
-Having to lie to the 3,000 people a day who ask me how I am feeling. It's especially joyous to have these conversations when I am experiencing a braxton hicks contraction at that very moment.
-The waddle and the cause of said waddle. Here's what no one ever told me about pregnancy. The waddle is not caused by the belly. It's caused by the fact that your crotch has swollen to 3000x's it's normal size. I wonder if Michelle Duggar's just stays that way.
-Stretchmarks on my belly. I have a whole farm going on down on the lower belly. I know they're there to stay, and I am not stressing about it, but could they at least be a little less purple?

Things I am thankful I am not dealing with:
-Peeing constantly. This kid has been nice enough to stay off of my bladder this entire pregnancy. I will give her extra snuggles for that.
-Swelling. I've been lucky enough to have absolutely zero swelling. All of my shoes still fit, even the pointy toed ones. I may feel like an enormous person, but at least I've been spared the cankles.
-Blood Pressure concerns. I've had nice, low, blood pressure this entire time. It's just nice to have one thing I don't have to worry about.
-Annoying Family Members. I don't have them. Many people end up having intense family situations arise when they are bringing a child into the world. Not us. People have been helpful and supportive when needed, but not been all over us 24/7. I'll take it.
-Any sort of actually serious issue. Goes without saying, but speaks for itself.

And furniture-gate continues.

2009-08-31T07:00:00.000-07:00

They are closed on Mondays.

Sob.

Hmm. Methinks I have a craving.

2009-08-30T17:45:00.000-07:00

...and it is.. Pita Pit. Om nom nom. The ol' college standby. A delicious meal in a good off campus locale for around 6 bucks. Sooo good. I am craving a chicken souvlaki pita like crizazy. Unfortch, these awesome little franchises are a rarity 'round yonder. There is one, however, in Center City. Hmmm.. there must be something I need from Sansom street so that I can stop by and get a pita. Oh screw it, is there really an excuse needed? I will get myself a pita by this time next week. Mark. my. words. I will keep you updated on the status.

In other news, Bob arrived home yesterday! I am so glad to have his cute little butt home. I missed him a lot. He was pretty wiped out yesterday (he was up for almost 24 hours!) but today he is doing better. He brought home a huge assortment of little tea cookies (you seriously cannot get anything similar in the US), and several varieties of chocolate. Ah, a man after my heart. I just love having a nice cup of tea with a few little cookies. So much better than eating a giant bowl of ice cream or something similar.

The baby furniture store called Bob's cell twice in a row while he was in Germany. Thinking that it might be an emergency, Bob picked up, despite the fact that he was running through a plaza after a co-worker who had his passport in their car. He asked them to give me a call, but they were rude to him and said that he could just tell me to call, and hung up (nice, right? especially since we dropped some pretty significant cash with them). UGH. I am totally dreading whatever it was that they were calling about. I just called last week and the woman pretty much laughed at me when I asked for an update on the delivery status. We ordered two months ago and she made it very clear that they usually don't even hear anything from Munire for 3 months. Therefore, I am not thinking that they are calling to say "everything's in! YAY!". I'm thinking it's going to be more along the lines of "it's going to be a 30 year wait for your crib". I am going to call them first thing in the morning and find out what is up. I am not going to lie, I am totally stressin'. I've already told Bob that if that is the case, we are going for an in-stock option from Land of Nod or something. I am NOT dealing with waiting for furniture to be delivered again. I am sick of looking at an empty room. If they try to tell me that I have to pick out something new from their store instead of getting a refund, they should expect an angry pregnant woman walking in there doing Double Dragon style kicks. Enjoy that mental picture.

I'll let you know tomorrow if this was all just unnecessary melodramz and everything is ready to be delivered.

Stroller in, and a brush with celebrity (signature).

2009-08-29T10:00:00.000-07:00

I had to run down to Wayne this morning to pick up a baby gift for a friend. I went to Genes-quite possibly the coolest baby boutique on the planet. The clothes they carry are totally irresistable, but somehow I managed to hold back from getting anything for myself. However, considering the fact that were hoping to buy a house next spring in or around Wayne, that place could be hazardous to the health of my bank account.
Anyway, I called ahead to Bellini, the shop from which my stroller was ordered. It's up the street from Genes, so I figured I'd try to make one trip if it was in. Turns out, it was there! Yay! The Carrycot is not in yet but of course I wanted my hands on that stroller ASAP. When I went in to pick up, I noticed something on the "mailing list" sheet on the counter. Kendra Wilikinson was the last name on the list. According to the shop ladies, she and Hank had been in last night. Who knows, maybe we will be stroller twinsies.
I'm off to a fun baby naming celebration this afternoon, so that will be nice. I'm glad I saved so much running around for this morning, I am so anxious for Bob to get home. According to FlightAware.com he is currently just south of Greenland. I can't wait to see him (and make him put together the Indie, hehe).

Prayers for a friend.

2009-08-28T04:09:00.000-07:00

I don't have words eloquent enough to explain the sadness we all feel over our dear friend's impossible day ahead. All we can do is pray and send her and her sweet baby our love. And I'm going to spend all day doing just that.

I think I'm sick of pregnancy related topics.

2009-08-27T19:05:00.000-07:00

What a strange realization.

I was so excited to watch Project Runway tonight. Well, turns out it's a maternity dress challenge. Wind out of sails, instantly. 3 months ago I would've thought this was so cool and watched intently. Now? Blah.

At first, pregnancy was exciting and new. I LOVED shopping for maternity clothes. I enjoyed pregnancy magazines. I lurked on every pregnancy related board on The Bump. I searched for opportunities to reflect on what it meant to be pregnant, because early on, it's sometimes tough to remember that anything has changed. You just sort of feel like you are floating around being deprieved of wine. Those reminders and topics are necessary.

These days, I'm pretty much over it. It's impossible to forget about being pregnant now. I don't have to read an article on having a big belly or stretchmarks. I am the article on having a big belly and stretchmarks. Also, I'm a lot more in tune now to the actual BABY that is in my life now. That little lady who pokes me all day long, she's what is so exciting about all of this. I want to read a million books and watch a million shows about her.

It's not that I don't love being pregnant. I do. I am sure I will miss it when it's over. However, I watch TV to escape. And I wish tonight's episode was just about designing an outfit for another tall, skinny biotch. I don't want to think about the fact that this one guy is a total idiot for designing short shorts for a pregnant woman, which then forces me to reflect on my own thighs.

Finally...

2009-08-26T13:12:00.000-07:00

Houston, we have hiccups.

Up until this point I always believed these were some sort of made up fairy tale! They are super cute!

Apparently the nose takes over for the ute.

2009-08-26T07:54:00.000-07:00

Apparently the female body is not capable of going 40 weeks without finding a location to bleed from obnoxiously. My nose has been bleeding on and off for the entire morning. If people stop by my cube, they get to see me looking like a nerdy 6th grader with bad allergies and a nosebleed problem. Oh, and a bad back, since I'm sitting here with a heating pad up against me. I have just shoved a tissue up my right nostril a few times this morning. Just call me Milhouse (or Urkel.. pick your TV nerd of choice.)

Pass!

2009-08-25T17:34:00.000-07:00

I received the happy news at 7:55 this morning- I passed the 3 hour! Cake for all! Yay!

But seriously, failing the one hour kind of turned out to be a good thing. I started paying attention to more of the GD posts on the 3rd tri board and learned a lot. Most of all, I learned that most of the girls who have GD gain virtually no weight during their 3rd tri due to the healthier diet. That really helped me realize that although my body CAN handle carbs and sugar, it doesn't mean I need to push the limits. My weight gain is definitely within reasonable ranges now, but I still have 10-12 weeks to go. I can keep it in control if I want to. I'm still going to treat myself every now and again, but I am also going to be more mindful of what I'm putting in my body.

As for the actual 3-hour test, it wasn't too bad. The worst part was that on my mad dash for food post-test, my navigation system led me toward a phantom KFC that did not exist. I have held back from my beloved KFC for this ENTIRE pregnancy, and figured I was entitled after a 12 hour fast and 3-hour human pin-cushion experience. When I stared at the Pep Boys standing in the location of this alleged KFC, I finally wanted to cry. To make matters worse, I had passed up a Boston Market several miles back, and I was on a divided highway, so I couldn't easily turn around to go back for some chicken.

As for the testing experience itself, some highlights of spending three hours in a Quest diagnostics center:

-A little boy who was about 18 months old walked around and shook hands with everyone in the place. He was like a mini-politician to be. It was the cutest thing I've witnessed in a long time.

-An annoying woman who kept yelling at her 8 year old son for being hyperactive, and telling him that he needed to be put on medication because "he wouldn't sit still". This little boy was so well behaved,. I didn't hear him make a peep the entire time. He just stood up a few times. I can't even handle sitting still for more than 10 minutes. It makes me so mad when people label their kids as hyperactive when they are just normal people.

-A person who reinforced the fact that leggings are never an acceptable form of outerwear. Especially not neon green and pink ones. I don't like them under skirts, either, but I understand it's in style. However, no matter your weight, no one should have to look that closely at your butt. No one.

-A guy sat next to me at the end who smelled like pee. It's weird, but it seemed like it kept whafting over or something. So gross.

And one final word to those who have to take the GD test. If they give you the choice of lemon lime or orange, pick the orange. I had both (lemon at 1 hr and orange at 3 hr). They both are terrible but at least you can pretend you are having an orange drink from McDonald's.. and picture a cheeseburger and fries along with it.

3 Hour today

2009-08-24T04:17:00.000-07:00

3-Hour Glucose test is in an hour. I am already sick of being deprieved of all that the food pyramid has to offer. I am one of those people who absolutely has to eat breakfast, or I am useless. Fasting for 12 hours + another 3 for the test? Not going to be awesome. My stomach is already making some pretty hilarious noises. I am sure I am going to get the side-eye from many people around me.
Crap, I forgot to charge my ipod... gotta go!

I ain't missin' you at all

2009-08-22T18:57:00.000-07:00

Right now, Bob is on his way to Germany, sitting in Business class with his feet up and comfy sockies on, eating a 4 course dinner and drinking as much as his heart desires. I'm in bed waiting for my e-soybeans to finish growing on Farmville so that I can harvest them. Fun times.

At least the Phillies are winning. For now.

If you have arachnophobia, don't read this post. Seriously.

2009-08-21T07:54:00.000-07:00

You've been warned.

I almost ate a spider last night. After hopping back into bed in the middle of night post-pee trip, I grabbed my water bottle to take a sip. Upon putting my lips to the bottle.. I noticed there was something, um, extra on there. I instantly thought bug, and turned on the light. As I looked down at the bottle, there was nothing there. Just as I thought it was all in my head, I noticed a penny sized spider scampering down the bed. EEEEK!

Luckily I was able to grab a tissue in time to make that sucker pay for his indiscretions.

Gross.

A late night epiphany.

2009-08-20T13:04:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a lower leg cramp SO painful in nature that it seriously changed my birthplan right then and there. I am not even being dramatic about this. I am so serious. I had planned to go naturally, and was himming and hawing about hiring a doula. Something was holding me back from really 100% commiting to going this route.

As my leg cramped up intensely last eve, I realized the absolutely paralyzing amount of fear I had over the fact that I was in a rather severe pain, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Even worse, I didn't have any way of knowing how long that pain would last or if it would get worse. Sounds kind of like the same idea as labor, eh? It was an absolutely awful feeling to not be in control. As the pain continued longer than any leg cramp I've ever had, I realized that I am pretty freaking terrible at waiting things out.

It sort of just dawned on me at once. A voice akin to Austin Powers came over me and said "who chooses to be in this kind of pain? Honestly!"

Yes, I know the arguments against epidurals. I agree with most. There was a reason I wanted to go au naturale in the first place. However, I don't think I really allowed myself to think about me, and how I would react to a situation so wrought with uncertainty and, well, excruciating pain.

I'm not saying I'm going to jump in the bed and start screaming for an epidural right away, but I am going to be very open to the option if I can't handle the pain. After all, labor is a means to an end, and if I can be a little happier on the way there, I'll take it.

I need a pool.

2009-08-19T12:31:00.000-07:00

So. freaking. hot.

Being pregnant without access to a nice outdoor pool has got to be listed by Amnesty International as some sort of cruel and unusual punishment. Back in B-lo, darn near everyone had a pool. A majority of which were the of the above ground variety. It wasn't until I moved to Philly that I learned that (most??) people see these as low-brow and tacky. Regardless, If I was in Buffalo right now, I'd have my butt floating in some variety of cool calming water. Tackiness be damned, It'd get the job done.

Since the snobby Philadelphia 'burbs hath collectively turned their noses up at the concept of above-ground pools, the only way to have your own pool is to dig a nice in-ground pool. Have you heard how much it costs to dig one of these things? Let's just say it can cost upwards of something that rhymes with shmorty shmounsand shmollars. Sweet jeebus! Also, add in the fact that most of the burbs directly outside the city, there is not enough room to have a pool and deck, even if you wanted one. There is, however, room in the yards up in "the ville's", as we like to call them.. where there is a ton of space but you have to sell your sell to the devil for it.( aka, live amongst only saplings that were planted 10 minutes ago and live in a house that looks like everyone else's). But I digress.

So, what does this combination of factors lead to? The fact that people are willing to shell out

$500 per summer to join a private swim club. It's all the rage here. These things didn't even exist in Buffalo. In my hometown, you swam at a friends house, or a public pool if the need was there (shout out to Kohler pool ,where I was a pool attendant for two years, holla!). The other craptastic part of this phenomenon? Since the majority of people are willing to pay for an exclusive swim club, most townships don't fork over the cash for a public pool. All I want is a halfway decent pool with an adults only swim hour. I don't even care about the fact that I'd be there swimming with all old people- most of which are farting under the water and several of which have see-through swim trunks from 1972. (Here's an interesting fact about me- when I worked at Kohler pool, I taught water aerobics to old peeps. I was highly unqualified. I watched a video once.)

I'd always had a pool at my apartment complex, so this is my first summer without. I was a fool at the beginning of the summer and scoffed at the idea of paying to join a pool. I didn't think I'd miss having access to a pool as much as I have, and how desperately I'd feel I need it as a pregnant woman.

I was wrong. I want to swim in a nice outdoor pool more than I want to eat a spicy tuna roll or have a glass of wine. Maybe even those two things combined.

I guess I am going to have to stop at Walmart and buy a kiddie pool. Joy.

Ugh. Rough Day.

2009-08-18T16:06:00.001-07:00

I had a longer entry in mind, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I am so tired.

This heat is oppressive in a way that I cannot 'splain. It also seems like I get braxton hicks contractions when I walk outside in the heat. Maybe not, but it sure feels that way. We have been blessed with a pretty cool summer, which has been nice for the pregnant lady. Regardless, even a few days of temps in the mid 90's and no breeze = awful. I seriously have no idea how people are able to be pregnant in places like South Africa in the summertime. I think I'd just request to get shipped off to Antartica.

In other news, I failed my 1 hour gestational diabetes test, which sucks the world's sweatiest donkey balls. I was devastated this morning. DEVASTATED! Thank the lord for my lovely "e-friends" who were able to help me relax early this morning. I need to work on this mommy guilt stuff, as I know I need to learn to let myself off the hook at least a little bit. After I spoke with the nurse, I learned that my failing number was 135..a number that is apparently passing at many OBs offices, I've since learned. So, now I need to buck up, fast for 12 hours, and get stuck with a needle repeatedly by creepy-azz people at Quest diagnostics for a 3 hour time period (those people are almost always scary- I wouldn't want them to shine my shoes let alone stick me with sharp objects). I tend to get quite hypoglycemic if I don't eat for a bit of time, so this is going to be interesting.

I am going to need to bring a devastated driver.

Wait. hahaha. I just proofread this entry and realized I typed "devastated" instead of "designated". BWAHAHAHA. I wonder if I could could call an acting school to hire a dramatic actor to escort me to my 3-hour GD test.

Stroller= ORDERED!

2009-08-16T11:59:00.000-07:00

Upon second glance this morning, I discovered that one of the stores in which I suspected would carry the Bumbleride Indie actually does, in fact, have Sunday hours! I swiftly dialed them at 11am, and much to my delight, found out that they do carry said stroller. WOOOT!! Funny thing was, the lady on the phone sounded just as excited as I.
We drove down to the store early this afternoon to give it a test drive. I have admired this stroller via the internet for months, but have not actually had a chance to see it in person (aside from seeing one wheel by me on the street a few months ago) . Let me just tell you, it is awesome. The wheels are just the right size for an all-terrain stroller, not too big, but they totally ensure a smooth ride. You can really, really easily steer with one hand. I also tried going up and down curbs and it was so easy. Definitely a good thing for a clutz like me. The fold is super easy and although it is not the lightest stroller on the planet, at 20 lbs, it is definitely a breeze to lift in and out of the trunk.
Functionality aside, I would be lying if I did not admit that one of the best things about Bumbleride (all models, really) is that they are so freaking cute/stylish. They are just so striking. In a decision that shocked the stroller world, Bob and I decided to go with the Spice color scheme. I had always been absolutely in love with the Seagrass pattern, but upon seeing it in person, the green was just a leeeeetle too green and the blue a leeeeetle too blue. The orange color used on the Spice, however, is far more muted than it appears on the internet photos. The blue is a little more aqua, also. So, the lovely stroller you seen on the right is what we have ordered!
For those of you reading this who may be considering this stroller, I regret to inform you that the uber cute and cozy
looking footmuff/liner does not come standard with the 2009 model, as it did in 2008. BOO! However, the footmuff and liner does come with the carrycot, which easily snaps right into the stroller for bassinet functionality. It is also super light-weight, so you can carry the baby around easily like a moses basket. Now, this stroller is a little steep, so I had not thought we'd be getting the carrycot. I definitely wanted the footmuff, as we are having a winter babe. As it turns out, the footmuff/liner is $60. The Carrycot with footmuff/liner? $99. Oh, hell. Of course it makes total sense to get the cutesy wootsy carrycot for just another $39. (You're very welcome for validating your point, scrawny little Californian marketing/pricing strategist who can now say "I told you so"). We now will be able to carry our little baby girl around like cargo in her own cozy little bassinet. Pretty cute, and reasonably functional I think!
Anyway, the order should take about 2-3 weeks to arrive. So, it's certainly not the instant gratification I was hoping for, but getting another big purchase out of the way certainly helps. Another word to the wise- apparently Bumbleride sends out weekly inventory notices to their dealers. According to the lady we ordered from, their lead times are starting to increase from 2 weeks to 4 weeks, as these strollers are quickly gaining popularity. So, if you want to avoid the ants in your pants waiting game, better to order sooner than later. :)

Don't care how.. I want it now....

2009-08-15T15:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I am Veruca Salt. Not the 90's band (seether is neither... loose nor tight...), but the girl from Willy Wonka. Tonight I am stomping my feet around the house murmuring "But I want it nowwwwww".
It is entirely irrational, and I am sure somewhat nesting instict-related, but I really feel like I NEED to have a large baby item in this house. Right now, I have the nursery bookshelf (which is totes cute, btw), some toys, and a few items of clothing. That's it. I cannot describe to you the ridiculous amount of envy I feel when I see photos of other girls posing next to their crib.
Our nursery furniture is on order. We know it will arrive before the baby is due, but that is pretty much all we know. I love what we ordered, but there are plenty of times where I have sat here wishing we had just picked out something from Land of Nod so that we could have it here and set up by now. I realize this is completely absurd, as the baby won't even be here for another 10-15 weeks (oh my god, the fact that a full-term baby can be born within a five week span is a freak out topic for another day.). Even once said baby arrives, she is going to sleep in the pack-n-play for the first few months of her life. Even so, I can't help but wish that I had her room set up completely, just so I could go sit in there and daydream. I just wish I could have a visible sign that there is a baby coming.
Today, It somehow hit me that we should get our stroller. NOW. Seriously, no one is going to buy us that thing, and if someone did, I'd be embarassed.. it is the cost of a luxury car payment. After changing our mind 50 gazillion times (why can there not be a stroller that has it all, why!?), we have finally settled on the Bumbleride Indie. This decision was officially made and finalized tonight over turkey kabobs and peanut butter noodles. Not only would purchasing this stroller satisfy my need for a large baby gear item to sit and stare at (am I weird, or what?), but it would also prevent me from second guessing my stroller decision a thousand times. There would be no turning back.
So, here's the deal. I cannot seem to track down a physical location in which to purchase this stroller. Buy Buy Baby is not going to start carrying it in stores for weeks. The two boutique stores in which I believe may carry it both are closed after 5pm and not open on Sundays. (I know, I know, I could've worked on this earlier but I really, really needed that nap. And my bangs are frightening. I shouldn't be allowed in public).
So, here I am, crib-less, stroller-less, grumpy, and with bad bangs. At least I had ice cream today.

The downside to google analytics...

2009-08-14T03:41:00.000-07:00

...is that I get to experience the joy of being acutely aware that someone from my hometown is reading my blog.

So, whoever you are, be warned, this blog is going to contain too much information. I've already blogged about boogers on my dress. That is just the beginning. You may learn more about me than you ever felt the urge to know. It's only going downhill from here.

One year ago.

2009-08-13T05:47:00.000-07:00

Today marks the one year anniversary of the day I lost my innocence. At 5:03 PM one year ago, my husband called me with the news that the building under construction next to ours caught on fire. I calmly told him that he needed to run home from his office located up the street and get our dog out of the apartment. As I drove out of the office parking lot on my way back to the apartment complex, I thought that we'd be displaced for a few hours.

Denial is a funny thing. It's amazing how your outward actions will allow you to do what you need to do to react to the emergency, but at the same time, your mind will just not allow you to go to the depths of the potential tragedy your are facing.

Getting closer.. smoke is visible for miles away. That can't be my building. I bet Bob was wrong. Driving faster. Honking Horn. I'm sure this is all a mistake.

I parked in someone's driveway and put my flashers on . The traffic was too thick. I'm a terrible runner. I always thought that if adrenaline kicked in, I'd be able to run like the wind. I was wrong. The flat black patent leather shoes didn't help anything. It was so hot.

The looks of horror on everyone's face around me should have told the tale. As I ran down the hill, I realized the (occupied) building behind mine was completely engulfed in flames. A pit in my stomach formed as I realized that Bob may not have made it home in time. As I reached Bob on his cell phone, he informed me that he was right in front of the building, and he would see me in a second. "I don't think they are going to let you in to get him!!!" I screamed. Just as my mind was finally allowing me to go to the worst place possible, a large red fire engine pulled out of the way. There was my husband alongside my dog. I collapsed on the ground. Relief.

We outwardly laughed at Harold as he howled at the high-pitched sirens wailing from the countless fire engines. Something about hearing that vivacious dog up to his usual tricks assured us that our family was going to be okay. We walked away from the scene thinking that they would put the fire out before it reached our building, and we'd come back tomorrow. After all, there were already at least 10 fire companies on location.

We arrived at Bob's Mom's house just in time to see our building catch fire on the news. 20 minutes after that, we watched the fire tear past the elevator shaft and towards our apartment. The next morning, the front page of the Philadelphia inquirer showcased a photograph of a firefighter shooting a hose directly into our fourth story window. It's a very odd feeling when you become the news story. You almost feel like it would be nice if someone from the news organization at least had the courtesy to mail you your own personal copy.

Coming to grips with the fact that you've lost all of your physical belongings is one thing. Recognizing the fact that your innocence has been lost forever is quite another. A year ago today, it became a lot harder to look at the world through rose colored glasses. I look back at my wedding photos now (we had only been home from our Honeymoon for a month) and I see a naive girl. A little too wide-eyed, and a little too optimistic maybe. I didn't have any idea then what people meant when they said that our marriage would face challenges. At that time, I had a hard time grasping that this would mean more than just little spats over who would take out the garbage.

A year ago today, our priorities as a couple changed. Many people look at me like I'm crazy for having a baby at 25. However, when you've had the experience of having absolutely NOTHING except for your family, you realize how unimportant everything else is. When you lose your innocence, you gain some invaluable life experience. And for that, I am very, very thankful.

It's not even 1pm...

2009-08-12T09:17:00.000-07:00

..and I already have gotten two types of messiness on my dress. Snot and Ranch Dressing. For those who are curious, it did not happen at the same time. Seriously Awesome. I am going to walk around in a giant plastic lobster bib from now on, all day long.

I am pretty sure the necessary slob-ishness of pregnancy was created in order to prepare ourselves for years of runny noses, poopy butts, and lord knows what else. It's just a training process that helps us learn to take ourselves a little bit less seriously.

On a related note, I think the pregnant lady should be allowed to request which cafe employee makes her buffalo chicken wrap. Or, there should be a certification process for the preparers. Maybe it could involve some sort of "Double Dare" style competition. I can just see the large chef that looks like the guy from Ratatouille yelling "I'll take the physical challenge!" in the middle of the office cafeteria.

Anyway, point is, if it falls apart as soon as one picks it up, that is not a wrap. That is called a salad. A salad which just happens to be temporarily housed in a tortilla-like casing. End of discussion.

Making my debut.

2009-08-11T17:49:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am in blog land. Again. Although I'm a bit late to the current trend of blogging, I've been here before. I had a diaryland diary (anyone remember that site?) that I maintained for the majority of high school. Then, senior year, when my hair was dyed blue and I was filled with Dashboard Confessional-inspired emo angst, it was livejournal time. (The "Rogue" actually comes from my LJ name in HS). I kept the ol' LJ going through Freshman year of college. Fun times, until I decided to turn to my Imac several times while tanked off of vending machine lemonade and plastic bottle vodka. Turning to a somewhat permanent, very public forum at a time like that of course seemed appropriate. However, a few months later, when looking back at a late night post that described the fact that I was sure my head was coming to a point like a conehead, I ran screaming from blogland never to return.
I think it's probably natural for all of us to become embarassed when we look back at our inner thoughts when we grow up a bit and learn a little more. It's what's always scared me from journaling for an extended period of time, privately or publicly. I know that what is a majorly intense thought, concern, or issue for me at the current point in time could be either embarassing or just plain stupid in the future. Reading your own blog a few weeks, months, or years later can be like watching yourself in a video or newsclip where you wanted to be taken seriously. Even if everyone else thinks you did well, you can't help but obsess over the fact that you said "and" or "umm" one too many times.
So, here I am, putting myself out there. Even though I will sit here for the next three months and lay out my plans for an epi-free birth, breastfeeding at daycare on my lunch breaks, and taking my babe for long walks in fairmount park in a Moby wrap, I fully recognize that none of these things may happen. And it's perfectly okay for me to look back at those ideas and laugh.